Paolo Villaggio has died

The enormously popular Italian comedy actor Paolo Villaggio has died at the age of 84. He was part of the large number of gifted comedians who played clueless, hapless characters but who were actually far from it in real life.

What made him so famous back in the day was his persona as the oppressed little guy, a clerk or other employee who was unlucky both on the job and at home. Here he is as Fantozzi, his most famous role. He has missed the bus (literally) and is terrified of the possibility of being late for work. Watch the whole thing, it's worth it. For other videos, go to YouTube and search under Fantozzi.

Altan describes 2016

My favorite Italian cartoonist, Francesco Tullio Altan, must have foreseen 2016.

Man- Democracy is in danger.
Woman-Let's hope someone comes and helps it.

Renzi's ... English

Wish you knew Italian? If you do, wish your Italian were better? Feel that Italians might be appalled at your attempts to speak their language?

You may derive some comfort from the following video. In it, Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi delivers an incomprehensible speech in English, with much aplomb. Completely misplaced aplomb. As it is incomprehensible, subtitles have been provided. Some in Korean. Notice the reactions of the good-looking dude on the right.

 

Didn't think that was funny enough? Try this.

Hitler tries to become Italian

Not many know this, but at a certain point, under the influence of his BFF Benito Mussolini, Hitler wanted to become Italian. He considered the various typical occupations for an Italian: pizzamaker, mafioso, Renaissance man, fashion designer, saint... He finally settled on opera singer.

Alas, as you can tell from the video, his artistic endeavors in music met with the same degree of success as his attempts as a painter.

Sylvester and Tweety go to Venice

And now for something frivolous.

Everyone aspires to go to Venice at least once, and that includes birds and cats. Here we have world-famous Tweety bird and his enemy, Sylvester the cat, in that beautiful city.

Of course the Italians know all about our popular American culture, and that includes adorable Tweety and his wannabe nemesis. They call them Titti (don't snicker) and Silvestro.

Here we have the immortal pair in Venice. Tweety is his American self (with Granny, of course), but Sylvester is Italian. In the upper video, the original, you see Tweety singing Santa Lucia in a competent way (birds will sing). Italian Sylvester plots against him, as usual, and loses, as usual.

In the lower video, the Italian version, you see that instead of strictly translating they have re-interpreted. Italian Silvestro thinks that Tweety must be American since he is singing a Neapolitan song in Venice. He also thinks the little bird will go well with polenta, according to the local (now illegal) dish poenta e osei. Later Silvestro reluctantly admits that Venice is Italian after all, and as an Italian cat he should of course be eating spaghetti. He tries to lasso Tweety with a string of spaghetti- but of course Granny comes to the rescue.

Sooooo cute.

Merkel gets back at Berlusconi

The (unfortunately) irrepressible Silvio Berlusconi recently made a disparaging remark about the feminine charms of German Chancellor Angela Merkel. To be precise, he called her a culona inchiavabile, an unfuckable fat ass. This of course is in line with his usual refinement and tact.

In the video, we see comedian Maurizio Crozza impersonating Merkel and answering her distinguished Italian colleague. At the end of the video, she asks if they have put asterisks in the obscene words. Then she specifies that culona inchiavabile is not the obscene part (nein, nein, nein, nein, nein!), but "Berlusconi" is. Danke schoen!

Moby Dick in (six words of) Italian

Moby Dick is my favorite novel, so this little bit of summer silliness caught my eye. The Corriere della Sera is featuring a game where readers submit a six-word summary of a book.

My favorite is balena bianca mangia uomo senza gamba, white whale eats man missing leg. It's wonderful in that it shows that a book is not its plot, reducing the sublime and complex (and long) masterpiece to a banal and comic headline.

Here are some others:

Nessuno uccidera' mai la balena bianca.

Oltre il limite delle proprie possibilita'.

Essere eroe vuol dire essere solo. (Like that)

L'uomo combatte Dio e perde! (Think he/she misinterprets the book)

Non combattere la tua ossessione, perderai. (Not bad)

Rancoroso disabile soccombe a cetaceo albino. (Giggle)

Moby Dick 1, Capitano Achab 0. (Soccer-obsessed country; they call Ahab "Achab")

Folle e' sfidare i propri demoni.

Achab ossessionato dalla balena bianca muore. (In block letters)

A caccia grossa in acque mosse. (More Hemingway than Melville)

Ismaele; cannibale; storpio ossessionato. Laggiu' soffia! (The latter is the Italian for "Thar she blows!")

Un uomo sfida il suo incubo.

Pazzo invalido insegue Leviatano e perde.

La vita e' una balena bianca. (I hope not)

Luce bianca un mare rosso sangue. (Good)

L'uomo guarda nell'abisso:trova se stesso. (Also good, but must disqualify for eight words)

Ossessione bianca risolta senza lo psicologo. (Cruel)

Achab: te stesso riflesso nel mare. (True)

Ennesimo leader esaltato rovina propri sottoposti. (Political)

Se ti prendo ti ... glu glu (Famous last words)

(in the photo- Nantucket, where they should have stayed- six words)

Hemingway, drunk as a skunk

I just came upon this bizarre audio of Ernest Hemingway in today's Corriere. In it, Hemingway declaims a fanciful presentation of his upcoming book, Across the River and into the Trees, making role reversals and adding funny details such as the 18-year-old Colonel swimming off into the sunset from Venice to Chioggia. Hemingway shows himself to be a true americano, exhibiting the almost congenital inability of Americans to pronounce the Italian ch- as a k. Despite the noted example of "Chianti," with which I'm sure the author was (very) familiar.

The actual book has been trounced repeatedly by both critics and public over the years, but I think it's underrated. It is semi-autobiographical and based on the married Hemingway's love? infatuation? for the 18-year-old Venetian Adriana Ivancich. The story tells of a dying 50-year-old American colonel's last days in Venice and the lagoon. The colonel, like the author himself, had been in the region during the First World War, and notices the changes both in the world and in himself, none of them good.

While imperfect, I consider this essential for anyone who is really interested in "Ernesto," who called himself an "old Veneto boy." Those who know and love Venice will appreciate his true affection for the city, and the little scenes such as when the crusty, hardened officer goes to the Rialto market and carefully picks out what he wants, shucking an oyster along the way (if memory serves me). His pride in his knowledge of Venice is shown in the clip with the ironic statement that he will describe the city as soon as he consults his guidebook, the Baedeker.

Europe, heaven and hell

Some form or other of the following has been going around for years, but maybe some of you haven't heard it yet:

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are Italian, the mechanics are German, the lovers are French, and everything is organized by Swiss.


Hell is where the British are the cooks, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, the police are German, and everything is organized by Italians.

(The illustration by Gustave Dore' shows the original hell organized by Italians)

Leonardo dances

We knew the original Renaissance man could paint, sculpt, write, invent, build, and so on, but now we also know that he could dance.

This is from the making of a commercial for telecommunications company TIM. The actor is Neri Marcore'.

I due gemelli si parlano

Tizio: Mi sa che papa' ci sta riprendendo.
Caio: Si', adesso finiamo su YouTube e diventiamo famosi.
Tizio: Bella figura che fai, sembri uno scemo con un calzino solo.
Caio: Guarda chi parla. Almeno non ho i calzini spaiati.
Tizio: E finiscila di ridere come un idiota.
Caio: Idiota sarai tu. Ricordati che abbiamo il DNA identico.
Tizio: Facciamo finta di essere italiani? Come Jersey Shore?
Caio: Si' dai! Chiacchieriamo un sacco a voce alta e gesticoliamo!
Tizio: E magari gia' che siamo in cucina ci facciamo una spaghettata.
Caio: Ma io non ci arrivo ai fornelli.
Tizio: Adesso io mi arrampico dentro il freezer.
Caio: Bravo. Troviamo una pizza surgelata e la mettiamo in forno.
Tizio: Certo. In forno ci arrivo.

The original ending of Pinocchio

Today's edition of La Repubblica informs us of the important fact that the original Pinocchio did not have a happy ending. In fact, it wasn't even called Pinocchio, but Storia di un Burattino (the story of a puppet), and it first appeared serially in a children's publication called Il Giornale per i Bambini (the children's newspaper). In it, Pinocchio is actually hanged to a tree at the end of the tale by the perfidious Cat with the help of the despicable Fox.

How Collodi (the Florentine Carlo Lorenzini) thought this was an acceptable ending for a children's story is a mystery. Although classic children's literature is filled with gruesomeness. But usually there is a happy ending after the gruesomeness. Perhaps it was insufficient knowledge of the wee folk, being that Collodi was both male and unmarried. What happened is that the Children wrote their Newspaper and told the author to change it. And he did, after which the book form contained the ending where Pinocchio repents of his sins like a good Catholic puppet, becomes a real boy and lives happily ever after with Geppetto.

Happy New Year from Altan

The mordant cartoonist Altan bids an unfond adieu to the departing year by saying: "The year's about to end, let's hope it doesn't go into overtime."

Italian reggae baby

Do your kids fret? Have you made your home child-proof, but they still get in? Here's an easy solution from today's La Repubblica. Play some Bob Marley. Instant results, no side effects.

No baby no cry, mon.

Test and improve your Italian vocabulary online

You can test and improve your Italian vocabulary online for free, and do some good while you're at it. The site Free Rice is based on an original idea whereby you take quizzes in various subjects and your points (correct answers) earn grains of rice to be donated to the poor, worldwide. It is a non-profit run by the United Nations World Food Programme in partnership with the Berkman Center for Internet and Society of Harvard University. Although I'm not sure why they have the suffix .com if they're a non-profit.

Anyway, one of their subjects is Language Learning, and it includes a section for Italian (vocabulary). There are ten levels, and the software features repetition and correction (if you get something wrong, it will correct you and ask you again later).

I accumulated over 4000 grains in a short sitting, reaching a level 52/60 in English vocabulary, a 10/10 in Italian, and an 8/10 in Art/Famous Paintings.

It also features social networking functions, and both individuals and groups can participate. Check it out. You'll find the green widget on the right sidebar of this page, so you can play whenever you log on to my site.

Mi piacciono, non mi piacciono

Mi piacciono

Boston, il New England, i vecchi film hollywoodiani, la lettura, i computer, Internet, le piscine, il nuoto, Venezia, i carciofi, gli asparagi, i mirtilli, il pesce, i crostacei, Shakespeare, Hawthorne, Melville, Dickens, il greco antico, il francese, ridere, i tramezzini, la primavera, il rock classico, camminare, la bellezza, l'arte antica, la musica soul, gli spaghetti, la senape, il sale, il pepe macinato fresco, Nantucket (nella foto, sinistra), Ingmar Bergman, James Stewart, i treni, gli aerei piccoli, il lavoro autonomo, l'Alto-Adige, la polenta, la Francia, l'Inghilterra, la Scandinavia, le terme, dormire, i fiori, le piante, gli alberi, i parchi, il mare, i laghi, i laghetti, i bambini, YouTube, i profumi, Key West, Londra, Parigi, la liberta', cucinare, il prezzemolo, le erbe aromatiche, i giardini, le palestre, il formaggio, l'acqua, il vino, la filosofia, la logica, il razionalismo, gli antichi greci, l'aglio, l'olio d'oliva, il burro, gli avocado, il verde, l'azzurro, i romanzi, Netflix, la poesia, Baudelaire, Platone, Eraclito, Socrate, Vermeer, Giovanni Bellini, Lincoln, Roosevelt, la carne di maiale, il pane, le capesante, il bacon, le capesante avvolte nel bacon, il prosciutto, la meditazione, i massaggi, il sole, la luna, le stelle, il cielo, la neve (quando sto a casa), la nebbia (quando non devo muovermi), i mercati all'aperto, i cavalli, le Alpi, Piero della Francesca, bloggare, il Veneto, la Toscana, Thoreau, le verdure, gli smoothie,lo yoga, la tranquillita', l'aria condizionata, i cortili, i chiostri, i ventilatori, la semplicita', la qualita', l'amore, le crostate, la vasca da bagno, i cani, i cagnolini, i gattini...

Non mi piacciono

New York (nella foto, destra), il Sud degli USA, il partito Repubblicano, quelli di destra in genere, gli ipocriti, i film hollywoodiani contemporanei, le frattaglie, il coriandolo fresco (cilantro), l'arte contemporanea, correre, il posto fisso, l'ignoranza, la superficialita', la TV in genere, i reality, piangere, le varie mafie, Roma, Napoli, l'umidita', il gran freddo (contraddizione implicita con Boston che mi piace), la malignita', il materialismo, le varie Mafie, Facebook, il conformismo, le auto, il pendolarismo, il rosso, l'arancione, il giallo, la Sardegna, la Corsica, l'egoismo, l'interesse, cucire, lavorare a maglia, la Coca-Cola, la malattia, l'afa, i SUV, gli antichi romani, l'irrazionalita', il Fascismo, il Nazismo, Hitler, Mussolini, il rumore, i centri commerciali, gli snob, la furbizia, gli arrivisti, la confusione, la guerra, l'ingiustizia, le sperequazioni, il dolore, la volgarita', la quantita', la freddezza, l'amoralita', l'indifferenza, la doccia, il disordine, la musica contemporanea, la pigrizia, le persone autoritarie, l'integralismo, il fanatismo...

Buon compleanno, Peanuts!

Today is the 60th birthday of the Peanuts crowd, headed by the renowned Charlie Brown, and populated by his friends, frenemies and the immortal Snoopy. The comic strip by Charles Schulz made its first appearance in seven newspapers on October 2, 1950.

In Italy it is also popular, and goes by the name of Linus (pronounced "Lee-noos"), the character with the blanket who often sucks his thumb. I could say some snarky things about why Italians would identify most with the little kid who needs his blankie and thumb. But I won't.

Observe, at any rate, how our little kids use the subjunctive in Italian (Lee-noos included.) Here's what they say in the above strip:

Charlie Brown: I'm sorry you have to wear glasses, Linus.

Linus: Don't feel sorry for me, Charlie Brown. Just think that now I can see things that I never even knew existed before!

Linus: Take Lucy, for example. For the first time I realize what a marvelous creature she actually is.

Lucy: The glasses didn't just improve his sight... They improved his sarcasm.

Una barzelletta sulle bionde

Una conducente bionda sta correndo un po' troppo in macchina quando viene fermata da una poliziotta, anche lei bionda. La poliziotta bionda dice alla conducente bionda: "Prego, la patente". La conducente bionda fruga disperatamente nella borsa, poi dice alla poliziotta bionda: "Scusi, ma com'e' 'sta cosa, 'sta patente?" La poliziotta bionda risponde: "E' un piccolo oggetto rettangolare con la sua immagine". La conducente riprende a frugare nella borsa, e trova uno specchietto. Vede il suo riflesso, e lo porge alla poliziotta bionda, dicendo: "Eccola!" La poliziotta bionda lo prende, e vede il suo riflesso. Lo rida' alla conducente bionda, dicendo: "Mi scusi, collega, non pensavo che anche lei fosse poliziotta. Puo' andare."

Bumper spaghetti crop!

I'm reading a book about the history of the tomato in Italy, called Pomodoro! Although written by an academic, David Gentilcore, it is chock full of allusions to entertaining cultural artifacts big and small relating to this juicy (couldn't resist) topic. I'll review it next week.

Here's one I didn't know about. In 1957, the BBC produced a mock reportage of the year's "spaghetti harvest," going into details of its cultivation and the problems associated with it, such as the evil spaghetti weevil. It was broadcast on April 1st, but this didn't stop many Brits from believing that spaghetti really did grow on trees.

Of course this shows the enormous provincialism that still existed in the world after WWII. Even more bizarrely, the scene is not set in Southern Italy or in Italy at all, but in the Italian-speaking Swiss canton of Ticino. As Italy and Britain had been bitter enemies in the recent war, the British probably didn't want to offend their very recently-acquired ally. And decided to pick on the neutral Swiss.

To be fair, if the RAI had shown a serious program with some English miners extracting tea from the earth in Lancashire, and then consuming the fruits of their labor directly from teapots, some Italians would have believed them.

You can see the BBC's page on the hoax with the original video here.

lolgatto

Make your own lolcat here.